Why I choose happiness

I wouldn’t be able to tell you why I am passionate about helping others find happiness if I didn’t share what makes me sad. At this point you may be thinking, “Those who can’t do, teach”. However, in my case I am fortunate enough to have found things that make me happy. My intent is to help- not teach. I am candid in my support for mental health issues, many times stating the reason being the issues are prevalent throughout my family and hits close to home. Although this is true and there are illnesses within my home, it would not be fair for me to omit my own struggle to find happiness.

When topics regarding my upbringing and my mother are mentioned, I do one of two things. I either nod and smile or describe both simply as “interesting”. I fail to come up with a pragmatic description. I know the impact both had on me and how they intertwine yet are so separated, but how do you describe them in such a way anyone involved may be misconstrued as awful or share their personal details. Allow me to make this very clear, I whole heartedly believe anyone who was involved is not at fault and, above all else, no one is awful. In fact, when on the rare occasion I am able to mention either my upbringing or my mother, I also make it a point to include how grateful I am for having the life I had.

While I have yet to tell anyone everything or most of the things I have witnessed, I have grown stronger. Comments such as “I would have never been able to tell” or “You always seem so happy” follow after I mention my mental illnesses. I will admit when I first started to find happiness, I took these as a sign of validation. Now that I feel in control, these comments are taken as a sign of support.

The natural question that arises when I share my struggles is how I became “strong”. My first step was admitting I was deeply saddened. Before going through therapy, I did not want to recognize I was not happy. Later I found I did not want to accept my sadness because I did not know what I had witnessed was not “normal”. Somehow not knowing what “normal” meant became a barrier for recognizing my sadness. After a while, I came to the realization “normal” is possibly the worst word in the English language. Normal should not be used to describe life. So, what if I did not know “normal”? I now know how I am going to react to the very unnormal life I had. I will no longer be on a search for normalcy, I am on a quest to happiness.

Why do I choose happiness? I choose happiness because happiness saved my life. Happiness saved me from self-deprecation and feeling unworthy. Happiness revived me. I choose to describe my life as happy. I choose to seek happiness. Happiness allows me to get up in the morning and do what I love every day. However, how would anyone know what happiness feels like if they are not faced with sadness? Having sadness in my life is why I am able to choose happiness.

I share this with you so you can understand, although I may not be able to share everything that makes me sad, I am now happy enough and strong enough to share I have been depressed and from time to time continue to have moments of depression. I am not speaking from a disillusioned state of mind, I have a long journey ahead and will continue to have moments of sadness and flashbacks. But thus far, I have been able to find a great deal of happiness. I hope no one has to describe their life based on what is “normal”. Rather, my hope is everyone has the choice to describe their life based off of emotion. I hope everyone is able to be on their own quest to happiness.

My mission is to help others who want to be happy or want to continue to feel happiness. The goal is not to dismiss sadness, rather allow its counterpart- happiness- to shine bright. I implore you to understand what makes you sad and find what makes you happy. I could not be happier if I was able to be a small part of what makes you happy. If you choose to search for happiness, I will do everything in my power to make you happy.

Who can be happy? you, DUH!