a monologue

Please enjoy my revelation. I hope it brings you the same joy I experienced creating it. I recommend listening to the video in the background while reading the monologue.

Artwork and recording: Neha Bhat

maybe

i was loved once, in the partner sense of the term

maybe i loved and felt loved, but that was long ago

to have being loved and feeling loved a distant memory

caused me to collapse into a lonely hole

for a while my loneliness was sunshine, rainbows, and with the occasional unicorn, but also with darkness lurking around the corner

i danced along the line being compelled by the bright because i knew how the darkness felt

i didn’t want to be dragged there much less willingly enter

slowly, then all at once my fears crept closer

crawling, gnawing, clawing at my mind

my biggest weakness was my fear of being perceived as weak

the weakness -my fear- continuously pulling my heartstrings controlled and consumed me forcing the dance across the line

heartstrings that were thinly veiled as self control, nudged and pulled me - a puppet- towards the dark

but why am i so afraid of the dark?

although i push against the force that draws me deeper into its depths i refuse to face, i know i will soon feel joy

why am i so afraid of the dark?

although i struggle to welcome the feelings associated with the opposing force, i know i will once again march towards the light

why am i so afraid of the dark?

i know i will shine again